Tag Archives: narcissism

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” ~ Jack Kornfield

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We here at the antiselfie advocate kindness towards others to replace the narcissism behind the selfie culture on social media.

But we’d like to pause and remind you:

Kindness to others must begin with kindness to self.

The antiselfie has learned, and continues to learn, this lesson in the hardest ways possible.

We all want to be kind to others. But what do we do when others do not reciprocate, or worse, abuse our kindness?

Then we retreat, and start showing ourselves kindness through practicing self-respect.

Self-respect means honoring pain, boundaries and limits, and listening to the internal or external “ouch” and not dismissing it. To do so is to show kindness to yourself. Your self is sending you a message to care for yourself. Listen to it.

One good question to ask yourself to determine if someone is abusing you, or showing you unacceptable behavior : “Would I allow anyone to treat my child (or any child) that way?”

If the answer is no, then the offending behavior should not be allowed to continue. This may mean leaving a situation or person, reporting the situation or person to authorities, seeking help from trusted people to deal with the abusive person or situation.

Then do something to actively soothe yourself. Take a walk in nature. Soak in the tub. Cook your favorite healthy meal. Do yoga. Talk to a trusted, kind person.

Anything that sends yourself the message that “You are loved. You deserve kindness , care and gentleness. Your well-being is important.”

Like all practices, kindness starts with yourself.

Not knowing to care for yourself, you will be unable to care for others.

Not knowing how to honor your own boundaries, others will end up abusing you.

Not knowing to show compassion for yourself when you’re in pain, you will be unable to show genuine compassion for others, and unable to recognize their pain.

When you show yourself kindness and are able to care for and respect yourself, the ability to be kind, caring and respectful to others arises naturally.

Kindness does not mean being a doormat.

In what ways do you care for yourself? In what ways do you encourage your well-being? Do you hear, and listen, when that small voice inside you sends you a message of pain? 

Here are other good resources on self-compassion:

http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/2014/01/five-foundations-self-kindness/

http://selfcompassion.org/

“You are hereby fined $1 per selfie on charges of self-obsession. ” ~ The Selfie Police

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“On behalf of humanity, you are hereby fined $1 per selfie on charges of self-obsession. All the money goes to fund education for kids who can’t afford college, let alone a $600 self-indulgence device. Donate and join us. Police your friends. There’s a lot of work to be done. Together we can turn vanity into charity.” ~ The Selfie Police’s booking statement

The antiselfie wants to laugh and cry at the same time, as it reads about the Selfie Police.

The Selfie Police is a new program that rides on people’s self-confessed, unabashed vanity to raise funds for impoverished kids who can’t afford to go to college, reports Elite Daily.

It’s so simple, it’s brilliant. (Laughcry here.) For every selfie you snap, you donate a dollar to help poor kids go to college.

The program is of course, voluntary. With the bajillion selfies taken around the word every single day, there really is potential for raising bajillion dollars.

“When we first came up with the idea we were trying to think of how to engage our generation in giving. It’s tricky because we’re such a selfish generation, so the question we asked was not how do we make our generation charitable, but how do we turn selfishness into charity. That’s where Selfie Police was born.” Chas Barton told the Norwich Bulletin.

“We want to engage our generation in helping other kids our age dealing with the same sorts of issues, trying to go to college and school, but who just don’t have the same opportunities we do.”

The concept is praiseworthy. But at the risk of sounding like an obstructionist harpie, the antiselfie has a few observations about this scheme.

First, we reiterate: we LOVE raising funds and helping others. Especially underserved kids aspiring for higher education. In fact, this is the antiselfie’s advocacy, when we aren’t blogging about selfies and antiselfies.

BUT we just aren’t too sure about encouraging the principle of giving to look good, which the Selfie Police seems to be promoting. This program seems to say, it’s okay to be addicted to selfies (translation: narcissistic) as long as you help poor kids?

It’s kind of like drinking.  Do you drink in moderation, and know when to stop, or do you regularly stumble out of the bar and black out? Will it make things better if you donated money but continue to have a drinking problem? Probably not.

Let’s pause here for a little self-diagnosis: Do you take selfies in moderation, or do you expend quite a bit of energy on selfie taking and posting? Do you post selfies to get a buzz? How often do you need that high of people liking and commenting on your selfie?

We here at theantiselfie believe, selfie addicts just need a little intervention.

We suggest that instead of using your energy for one selfie, why not instead practice a little kindness? It’s a practice in restraint and proactively reaching out to others in kindness.

We believe that once a selfie addict experiences the genuine fulfillment that springs from having an attitude of  “What can I do for you? How can I help you?” instead of “How will this make me look good? How can I attract more and more attention to me?”–then the selfie addiction will naturally taper off.

Yes, let’s raise funds so poor kids can go to college.

But let’s also help ourselves and wean ourselves away from our growing addiction to self and selfies, and start genuinely doing something good for its own sake.

No money needs to be involved, because kindness comes free.

Read more about The Selfie Police here:

http://elitedaily.com/news/technology/awesome-new-program-fines-users-1-per-selfie-donates-scholarships-developing-countries/

The AntiSelfie Movement Growing: “I want to see more young women holding a fish than holding their camera in front of a bathroom mirror doing a selfie.”~ Sarah Palin

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Guess who just joined the anti-sefie movement?

None other than former Alaska governor and defeated Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

“I want to see more young women holding a fish than holding their camera in front of a bathroom mirror doing a selfie,” Palin said, according to E! online.

Whatever your politics, Palin does make a point, in fact, a point very similar to ours here at theantiselfie.com.

The point is there are a lot better things to do with our lives, no? Like go outdoors and go fishing. Palin was just saying–do something else, drop your device and do something else than bathroom mirror and selfie gazing!

If you’re not into fishing, how about something that benefits others (the opposite of focusing on self too much)–like being kind to others?

Suggestions: help the homeless, feed the hungry, open doors for others, say kind words instead of bashing people, the list is really endless.

Palin’s anti-selfie quote is related to her forthcoming show on the Sportsman Channel scheduled to debut April.  The show is about, well, the outdoors.

How many selfies do you take and post in a week? Have you asked yourself why you love taking pics of yourself and posting them? 

The Selfie Syndrome: Do You Have It?

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A few signs that someone suffers from the  Selfie Syndrome:

  • Consistent “blow-by-blow” status updates. (Getting on train. -5 minutes later- Good God, train’s so late. -10 minutes later- Uggh, train crowded with smelly people. -30 minutes later- Ahh, home sweet home!)
  • Pictures posted are 90% selfies, smile and pose are usually the same, often there is no actual reason to post the picture, they aren’t connected in any way to an event. Selfies far outnumber pictures that were actually taken by other folks.
  • Consistent location/check in updates. As if begging to be stalked. Or showing everyone just how busy your social life is.
  • Mean, snarky posts to make self look superior to others/a situation. (Hey bitch can’t you see I’m in line, get your big as* out of my face.)
  • Too many postings that announce your love to the world.  You and significant other, post coitus. You and significant other, feeding each other ice cream. You and significant other, at the grocery.

There really is nothing inherently wrong about posting these things about yourself and your life. But when these types of postings become consistent, repetitive and frequent, then you know the poster has the syndrome.

The worst type of selfie postings are malicious in motivation. An acquaintance announced, before posting his vacation pics: “Our pics are so cool, these will make everyone look like losers.” Wanting to make others feel inferior–really?

If you think of it, Selfie Syndrome sufferers are probably actually lonely. Sometimes, it feels like they just need someone to talk to, and probably having no one to validate them, seek it from the public at large. They depend on the kindness of “friends” and “followers.” The more likes and retweets, the better.

The antiselfie suggests one possible cure to this syndrome. Perhaps start living a life offline and actually engage people in real life. That way you’re not always seeking approval online, and feeling like you’re all by your lonesome selfie.

What kind of content do you generate on social media? Do you have the Selfie Syndrome? 

More on the Selfie Syndrome here: http://www.bestcomputerscienceschools.net/selfies/

The Selfie Olympics. Whoa.

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Theantiselfie is in a state of shock right now.

The Selfie Olympics are upon us, reports the Huffington Post.

See the Selfie Olympians hard at work, perfecting their craft. Feel the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat as these magnificent Selfie Olympians display feats of power and grace that leave one breathless.

Have to admit it, the floating selfie is cool.

But once more, theantiselfie asks–why not use the Herculean effort of creating and posting just one Olympian Selfie to instead post an Antiselfie?

What, you may ask, is an Antiselfie?

It’s a posting on social media of something helpful, useful and kind that might actually help some depressed soul who’s getting even more depressed as he/she scrolls through her Facebook and/or Twitter and/or Instagram and/or Reddit and/or Stumblupon feed, looking at every one else’s  so-called picture-perfect lives.

The antiselfie does not hate selfie posters. Instead it seeks to make the world a kinder, gentler place by encouraging people to sacrifice just one selfie for an antiselfie everyday. 

Disclosure: Theantiselfie still does post selfies now and then, but they’re nowhere nearly as amazing as these:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/03/selfie-olympics-twitter_n_4538203.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

How many selfies have you posted this week? Do you believe that Facebook and other social media are turning us into narcissists? :) Leave a comment! 

“If you have an impulse to kindness, act on it.” ~ Douglas Coupland

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Where I work, there’s a whole lot of homeless people milling around.

I recall many years ago how much the homeless scared me. I remember feeling disgust, even, when I saw beggars who seemed drunk or high. I wondered if handing them money would just encourage them to stay that way. I would experience an uncomfortable mix of pity, self-righteousness and guilt, deciding in the end to just ignore the feelings, thoughts, and the people who brought them out in me.

I don’t recall when I started looking at their faces, but it seems that really looking at them, and seeing them, caused some kind of internal shift. Instead of seeing just homeless people, I started seeing kind faces, sad faces, happy faces, tired faces, angry faces.

They’re the same kinds of expressions I or any of my friends would have.  And that made me see them as my friends, too. Starting with that thought, it didn’t take much to begin giving them a smile, a greeting, a dollar when I have it, a joke or two, maybe a sandwich, or even just a silent wish or prayer for their well-being. The impulse just springs up, realizing we’re all passengers in this same boat called life.

What thoughts cross your mind when you see someone who’s obviously down and out? Leave a comment.

The Anti-Selfie is Pro-Kindness

The word “selfie” officially entered the Oxford Dictionary in 2013, defined as  a “photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and uploaded to a social media website.” Oxford uses the word in this sentence: Occasional selfies are acceptable, but posting a new picture of yourself everyday isn’t necessary. 

We here at the antiselfie.com agree. The selfie is cute once in a while, but gratuitous selfies don’t seem to serve a purpose other than to promote a culture of self-obsession and narcissism. We’re here to buck this  growing tide of self-centeredness.

What’s an AntiSelfie, you may ask?

Imagine a brave new online world where, everyday,  instead of posting a selfie-type picture or status update about:

-what you had for lunch, your trip to the store, your cute new outfit,

you trade just one of these postings for an anti-selfie such as,

- a story of kindness,  an idea that could inspire others to do kind deeds in daily life,  kind words for others who need some kindness in their lives. These are  examples of “anti-selfies.” :) Got it?

We’ll start the ball rolling by posting an anti-selfie inspirational quote every day, and our thoughts about it. You guys come in and chime in with your own thoughts, ideas, feedback. Sort of like a discussion on how to make our world a kinder place.

Who knows where all this will lead? Maybe small and big acts of kindness that could change lives? Are we ambitious here at theantiselfie.com? You bet! It all starts with a thought–a kind thought! Even Buddha said so.

P.S. This is NOT about hating on selfie posters! This is about shifting from “me-ness” to kindness… :) 

We’d love to hear from you! Leave a comment!