Mindfulness is a big buzzword these days.
It’s being equated with thoughtfulness and kindness, those so-called “goody-goody” qualities that ultimately, many people in the world believe, make you a doormat.
Yes, mindfulness does tend to make you more thoughtful and kind, but it also allows you to see very clearly when you’re being violated.
Mindfulness is, simply put, being aware. Aware, like eyes wide open awake.
Mindfulness will make you fierce. Fierceness is not unkindness. It is making sure your boundaries are not being violated.
Boundaries are the lines that define what hurts you and what makes you feel good.
Whether you like it or not, people will step on and cross your boundaries, intentionally or unintentionally.
This is when mindfulness becomes very important–because only when you are aware/awake will you realize that you’re being violated.
And this is when the fierceness of being mindful comes into play.
A strong, firm “NO” to harming and hurting you is showing yourself kindness.
Kindness is not being dumb, because before we can be kind to others, we must first practice kindness with ourselves.
Kindness to ourselves is not as automatic as we think it is. It takes a great deal of self-awareness–mindfulness– to practice kindness to ourselves.
Our very human needs–for love, comfort, admiration, warmth, appreciation, the need to alleviate loneliness–can be so overwhelming to the point that we lose sight of our boundaries. In the search for comfort, sometimes we end up being unkind to ourselves and allow ourselves to be harmed.
Yesterday, the antiselfie read with dismay about a woman asking for advice. She said her boyfriend was asking her to have sex with other men. She wasn’t sure where this was leading, and the mere fact she was asking for advice showed that she knew this was not an ordinary request that she could comfortably accommodate.
It was painful to see how unmindful, unaware and unawake this woman was, understandably blinded by love and a need to please her man.
The advice given was, of course, to run away as fast as she can, because the guy was obviously not out to love her, much less protect her wellbeing and welfare. We can all say “duh” but in fact…
We are all, in varying degrees, like this woman.
In the desire to love and be loved, to seek comfort, affection and warmth, to please those we love, to help make life good for others–all healthy motives– we end up blind and unhealthily sacrificing our own peace and wellbeing.
We end up being unable to say “no” to harm, abuse, deception and bad deals.
This is not the path of kindness or love. This is the path to enabling harm to ourselves.
Mindfulness is the GPS that will tell you when things are going the wrong way.
Have you ever experienced doing something that you knew might hurt you in the end? Did it bring you a sense of peace or discomfort? Do you know how peace feels like? Mindfulness will teach you the difference between the sensation of peace and unhappiness, and help you protect yourself from harm.