Tag Archives: Facebook

Selfie addiction drives teen-ager close to suicide: “It can happen to anyone.”~Danny Bowman

Think that selfie addiction is harmless? Think again.

Nineteen-year-old Danny Bowman took about 200 selfies of himself a day to capture the perfect shot. Thinking he was failing to look good enough to post online, he almost killed himself.

Bowman, a 19-year-old Englishman had been diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder, reported the Mirror News.

“Danny’s case is particularly extreme,” said psychiatrist Dr. David Veale, whose clinic helped treat the teenager.

“But this is a serious problem. It’s not a vanity issue. It’s a mental health one which has an extremely high suicide rate.”

Just like crack, alcohol, porn, sex, food, selfie-taking combined with social media can make for a mind-distorting state.

In Bowman’s case, selfie-taking and social media-posting became the outlet for his obsessive compulsive behavior.

“With modern technology, it can actually be quite severe,” Bowman says in the video. “This kind of thing can happen to anyone.”

Have you ever caught yourself in the grip of any behavior that makes you feel addicted to something: pot, alcohol, porn, sex, food, selfies? How does it feel? Do you feel the almost uncontrollable desire?

Try riding out that feeling of being “driven” to satisfy the craving. Instead of acting to trigger the addiction (i.e. taking a selfie, walking to the fridge, going online, the liquor store, the pot dealer, buying cigarettes), just sit still and breathe for about five minutes, and focus on breath. This method can allow compulsion to subside.

Mindfulness meditation is just one of many tools to get over an addiction. Consult a professional.

More coverage on Bowman:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/25/selfie-addiction-mental-illness_n_5022090.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

More on addictive behavior:
“To know yourself is to forget yourself, and he didn’t mean take another selfie.”

http://theantiselfie.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=778&action=edit

7 ways to know if your Facebook friend is a real friend

images These days, everyone’s a “friend.” Meet me on tinder, okcupid, grindr, craigslist then add me on facebook, twitter, instagram, snapchat, and we’re friends? Yeah! Never met them except online? Friends. Talked on Facetime? Friends. Hooking up? Friends. Just for sex? Friends. Following them on Twitter? Friends.

Marketing and a culture of ambivalence have twisted the word “friend” beyond recognition. No wonder most of these pseudo- quasi- “friendships” can leave you empty, sad and feeling even more alone than ever.

If you’re hard-pressed to define what a friend really is, here’s a handy guide straight from the Buddha. Italicized texts are from Buddha, followed by commentary that’s strictly the antiselfie’s only.

A friend endowed with seven qualities is worth associating with. Which seven?

1. He gives what is hard to give. One of the toughest things to give people these days is time. Does the other person carve out time for you just so you can be in each other’s company (not just for sex, or to vent their latest problem)? Do they actually make plans with you, or just seem to conveniently call and ask you to come over late at night, when the mood strikes (hint: booty call) or only when they need your help?

2.She does what is hard to do. So you hang out and have fun and get drinks. Great. Anyone can do that. How about for the time you need to be told (kindly) that you’re making a mess of your life, while he helps clean up the mess?

3. He endures what is hard to endure. You’re talking about the same issue over and over again. Yup, your real friend is still listening.

4. She reveals her secrets to you.  And the secret is really scary dark.

5. He keeps your secrets. Or is telling this person a secret kind of like posting a video on youtube and it went viral?

6. When misfortunes strike, she doesn’t abandon you. Is your friend still there when you’re broke/jobless? And out to help you in some way?

7. When you’re down & out, he doesn’t look down on you. Does your friend make fun of you, talk about you behind your back, or hold you up as a pitiful thing (sort of to make herself look better)? Or does she help you keep your dignity intact in tough times?

A friend endowed with these seven qualities is worth associating with.

Notice this sentence. It means some people are NOT worth associating with.

Another gem from Buddha:

If a traveler does not meet with one who is better or equal, let one firmly travel alone; there is no companionship with a fool.

The antiselfie’s take: No friend is better than a bad friend. Plus, you deserve better, or at least, equal.

The Buddha isn’t telling you to turn the unworthy into your enemies.

He’s just telling you to wisely keep yourself protected from the not-so-great friends, know that they’re not the best company, and to keep them on a need-to-know basis. Be selective!

Sadly, fake friends are really not good for you, either because they are bad for your mental and emotional health, or they drag you down, or both.

Can you tell which of your friends are the real thing? Have you ever needed to dissociate from certain friends because they were toxic? Try surrounding yourself with good, authentic people. Compare and contrast the feelings you have around true friends and not-so-true friends. With whom are you at ease?

- See more at: http://ultraculture.org/blog/2014/01/07/7-qualities-look-friend-according-buddha/#sthash.UJwnq2Ka.dpuf

Daily Gratitude on Facebook Changes Life: “It forced me to look on the bright side of life, even on crappy days.” ~ Lynne Scrivens

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The antiselfie is enamored of this woman’s story. It shows the power of gratitude and social media.

Lynne Scrivens, an Australian TV news producer, embarked on a daily gratitude post on Facebook, after seeing one of her friends doing it.

Instinctively, Scrivens knew being deliberately grateful every day would change her life.

“I knew the grateful project would help me get back on track. I just had a feeling.” Issues the 38-year-old wanted to tackle included drinking “too much, too often, alone,” having “dark, deep, depressing thoughts,” her “sparse” love life, and lack of exercise, she writes.

After a year of seeing and announcing at least one good thing in her life every single day on Facebook, Scrivens’ life did in fact change for the better.

She ended up chucking a job that was no longer fulfilling, and moved from Sydney to Melbourne, where she always wanted to live. Her struggle with alcohol brought her to a place of sobriety and healthy moderation. She started exercising and met a man who she eventually announced on Facebook was a “keeper.” Nice!

The antiselfie loves the fact that Scrivens was inspired by a Facebook friend to do this, and that she herself decided to copy that behavior and in turn, is inspiring others (the antiselfie included!) to follow in their footsteps and be grateful every day!

Shortly after reading about Scrivens, the antiselfie began posting and tweeting #grateful daily–and yes–has noticed changes!

In the few days of this daily dose of deliberate thankfulness online, the antiselfie started noticing that it was the recipient of more random unsolicited blessings, just small things–i.e., free meals from friends, random presents from people, people going out of their way to be nice and helpful to the antiselfie in various ways! Wow! And that’s just in less than a week!

Robert Emmons, a University of California, Davis psychology professor and gratitude expert and author (“Gratitude Works!”) tells Yahoo Shine that gratitude can really be life changing, even through Facebook, but you can get similar results by keeping a journal or finding another way to focus on being grateful.

“The quality of our social relationships is the single most important factor in determining the quality of our lives, hence our happiness,” he says in an email. “And gratitude is the relationship-strengthening emotion. Gratitude tells us that we are supported and sustained by the kindness of others. It takes our attention off of ourselves and places it onto others. This is radical, because by nature we are self-absorbed and self-focused.”

What he’s saying is–gratitude is a BIG antiselfie–because it focuses on others, not just on your selfie.

And that makes a big difference in the way you conduct yourself, relate to others, and how others relate to you. Try it for yourself!

Would you try posting things to be grateful for every day to change your life? Would you trade one selfie for a gratitude antiselfie?

Read more about Scrivens’ Gratitude Project here:

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/how-a-year-of–grateful–facebook-posts-changed-this-woman-s-life-190520260.html

A Million Likes for A Big AntiSelfie Message: Stop Bullying, Stay Strong

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This is one of the best postings I’ve seen. It’s gotten 1,130,718 likes and has been shared 175,611 times on Facebook so far.

This is THE ideal, as far as we here at theantiselfie are concerned.

It spreads an important message that makes a difference. It is a true antiselfie.

We checked out the Facebook page that shared this image. Called Stay Strong, the page posts quotes and pictures that, we imagine, would lift up the spirits of depressed teen-agers going through issues typical at that age.

We’ve read many stories of how social media can cause depression because of all the pictures and messages that might suggest that someone else’s life is better than yours.

Stay Strong is an example of how we think social media is best used. Harnessing its power for good, Stay Strong is pro-kindness, an antiselfie page.

We hope to interview Crissy of New York, New York one day about her page.

Keep up the good work, Crissy! Like her page:

https://www.facebook.com/StayStrongCrissyOwns

“A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.” ~ William Arthur Ward

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This quote sounds really cheesy, we at theantiselfie are aware. But believe it or not, there is truly power in smiling, so much so that it’s a form of meditation taught by the revered Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh.

This is not the “fake it ’til you make it” forced smile, but rather a gentle smile that comes forth, as part of serenity and calmness that are byproducts of meditation.

I was first made aware of the power of smiling during a retreat, when at the end, the instructor asked us all to stand in a circle, softly gaze at the floor and have a half-smile, which he called a “Buddha smile.”

He then asked everyone how they felt. Incredibly, I did feel an internal softening and lightness.

Don’t take my word for it. Relax your face. Have a half-smile and a softer gaze. See if you feel a little… less stressed? Less anxious? Dare we say a little..kinder?

Take your brand new half-smile for a spin, and check it out–are more people actually smiling at you? Yes, they are.

How does that make you feel? Maybe a little less tight and more expansive perhaps–and may we suggest, more prone to being kind?

So when you take that next selfie, look at your smiling self and decide that your smile isn’t just for posting on Facebook or Instagram. It’s going to be for the real people you meet in your real life. And watch the changes unfold in your life.

Observe random people. Check your internal reaction to those who have stern, harsh expressions. Compare that to your reaction to people who smile and have gentle expressions. Who would you want to be friends with more?

The Selfie Syndrome: Do You Have It?

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A few signs that someone suffers from the  Selfie Syndrome:

  • Consistent “blow-by-blow” status updates. (Getting on train. -5 minutes later- Good God, train’s so late. -10 minutes later- Uggh, train crowded with smelly people. -30 minutes later- Ahh, home sweet home!)
  • Pictures posted are 90% selfies, smile and pose are usually the same, often there is no actual reason to post the picture, they aren’t connected in any way to an event. Selfies far outnumber pictures that were actually taken by other folks.
  • Consistent location/check in updates. As if begging to be stalked. Or showing everyone just how busy your social life is.
  • Mean, snarky posts to make self look superior to others/a situation. (Hey bitch can’t you see I’m in line, get your big as* out of my face.)
  • Too many postings that announce your love to the world.  You and significant other, post coitus. You and significant other, feeding each other ice cream. You and significant other, at the grocery.

There really is nothing inherently wrong about posting these things about yourself and your life. But when these types of postings become consistent, repetitive and frequent, then you know the poster has the syndrome.

The worst type of selfie postings are malicious in motivation. An acquaintance announced, before posting his vacation pics: “Our pics are so cool, these will make everyone look like losers.” Wanting to make others feel inferior–really?

If you think of it, Selfie Syndrome sufferers are probably actually lonely. Sometimes, it feels like they just need someone to talk to, and probably having no one to validate them, seek it from the public at large. They depend on the kindness of “friends” and “followers.” The more likes and retweets, the better.

The antiselfie suggests one possible cure to this syndrome. Perhaps start living a life offline and actually engage people in real life. That way you’re not always seeking approval online, and feeling like you’re all by your lonesome selfie.

What kind of content do you generate on social media? Do you have the Selfie Syndrome? 

More on the Selfie Syndrome here: http://www.bestcomputerscienceschools.net/selfies/

The Selfie Olympics. Whoa.

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Theantiselfie is in a state of shock right now.

The Selfie Olympics are upon us, reports the Huffington Post.

See the Selfie Olympians hard at work, perfecting their craft. Feel the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat as these magnificent Selfie Olympians display feats of power and grace that leave one breathless.

Have to admit it, the floating selfie is cool.

But once more, theantiselfie asks–why not use the Herculean effort of creating and posting just one Olympian Selfie to instead post an Antiselfie?

What, you may ask, is an Antiselfie?

It’s a posting on social media of something helpful, useful and kind that might actually help some depressed soul who’s getting even more depressed as he/she scrolls through her Facebook and/or Twitter and/or Instagram and/or Reddit and/or Stumblupon feed, looking at every one else’s  so-called picture-perfect lives.

The antiselfie does not hate selfie posters. Instead it seeks to make the world a kinder, gentler place by encouraging people to sacrifice just one selfie for an antiselfie everyday. 

Disclosure: Theantiselfie still does post selfies now and then, but they’re nowhere nearly as amazing as these:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/03/selfie-olympics-twitter_n_4538203.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

How many selfies have you posted this week? Do you believe that Facebook and other social media are turning us into narcissists? :) Leave a comment!